Wii Wars
by Cullenfamilymember
Summary: What happens when the Cullen's get obsessed with Nintendo Wii? Why did they hide the car keys in the microwave? Why did they spray paint the house red and blue? And why for pity's sake is Bella getting Kidnapped by Team Boxing! Read to find out!
1. The Beginning

"Boxing!" roared Emmett. Everyone was fighting over what to play on the wii.

"Don't be stupid, we're playing tennis!" snapped Alice.

"No," said Edward, "_we_, as in me and Bella, are playing _bowling_."

"Baseball." whined Rosalie.

"This is ridiculous," said Carlisle, "Esme and I, are playing golf."

"Baseball." whined Rosalie again.

"Come on. Why don't you play boxing with me, then we can play baseball." Just then Jasper came in. He noticed what we were fighting about and joined in.

"Hey! Everyone knows boxing is the way to go."

"Fine!" cried Alice, "I've changed my mind I want to bowl with Bella and Edward!" Alice walked over and stood with us.

"Come, my ariose angel, let's go with the boxing side." Carlisle practically sang to Esme. She pulled away.

"I disagree. You must always go with the underdog, my gem of a gentleman." she cooed back, and walked over to stand by us. Then there were two sides Team Bowling, and Team Boxing. Team Boxing had Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Carlisle. Team Bowling had Edward, Bella, Alice, and Esme.

At that moment, Edward and Emmett started fighting, teeth bared, crouched down, they were wrestling each other on the floor.

"Alice!" yelled Edward, "Claim Team Bowling's side!" Esme and Alice took over the upstairs, - which had everyone's bedroom, and the bathroom. After Rosalie, Jasper and Carlisle took the dining room, kitchen, and living room...

The War had begun.

When no one was looking, I stole the wii, and went up to our territory. After the battle of Edward and Emmett, Team Bowling went to discuss startegies. Alice had the first watch and was patrolling the top of the stairs, she could look over the banister which hung over the Kitchen/Dining Room, that forced Team Boxing to do there "Meetings" downstairs.

"We can't let them leave the house. They won't try without their cars."

"But how?"

"There keys, we have to hide them where they won't ever look." He paused a moment then turned to Esme.

"Quick! Hide their keys in the microwave!" Esme did as she was told and was back in a flash. "Alice, just in case, go out to the garage and put sugar in their gas tanks. In a couple seconds, Alice was back.

"They've marked their territory." she said grimly.

"How?" asked Esme nervously.

"They used blue spray paint. They marked everywhere except upstairs." Esme looked horrified.

"Then we must do the same." she said. Alice went and got spray paint. She came back with twelve bottles. I didn't ask.

"All I have is red, and green."

"We'll use the red, there's more of it." said Edward. Edward sent me and Alice to spray our territory. We put lines on the floor marking boundaries. Alice thought it would be a good idea to mark the refrigerator, since sooner or later, I would have to eat. When we were back, They were still talking.

"Where _is_ the wii?"

"It took it." I said. Everyone turned to look at me. "I took the console, but Rosalie had all the controls."

"We must retrieve them. Only Jasper has a power. It should not be that difficult. Bella will have to stay, then we will all go and take the controls. Bella, you need to hide the wii."

"The oven?" I suggested sarcastically.

"Anywhere. You need to hide too. Everyone know the plan?" We all nodded. "Let's go!"

They were gone in a flash. I sat with the wii. I decided I should hide under Edward's bed. I went under and lay quiet. I heard a sound nearby, I didn't think anything of it. I heard someone.

"I can smell her." It was Carlisle.

"She's afraid." Jasper too. He sounded evil, it scared me even more. "I have an idea." I felt a wave of deep sadness crash over me. I had no choice. I started to cry uncontrollably. When they heard my sobbing, Jasper lifted up the bed and Carlisle pulled me out.

"Quick! They're attacking downstairs!"


	2. Kidnapped

Chapter 2:

"_Quick! They're attacking downstairs!"_

Carlisle and Jasper ran me downstairs. I heard crashing, screaming and growling. I was petrified. What I saw scared the crap out me. Edward and Emmett had resumed wrestling positions. Esme and Alice had Rosalie tied up with Alice's clothes she found unfit-to-wear that were stored in the basement. Jasper and Carlisle raced to untie her, but were stopped when Alice and Esme flew in front of them. Edward had pinned Emmett under the couch, and rushed to me.

"I thought you were hiding?" He said breathlessly. "Have you been crying?"

"I explain later."

All the sudden I was being lifted into the air. I realized Carlisle had picked me up and was taking me somewhere. It didn't take long for me to get tied up and hung from something. _The ceiling fan._

"Edward!" I cried. I knew he would have ran to me in a second but at the moment, he was taking on his two brothers. It passed in a blur, and everyone was gone, but not me. Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett, were dancing around me and chanting, "We've got her! We've got her!"

It seemed ridiculous to me that me, that because of a game, I was hung from a ceiling fan by a bunch of stretchy ugly looking sweaters.

"Now that we have something to trade, _we_ can get the Wii!" cried Emmett.

"Victory, is at hand!" yelled Rosalie.

EPOV:

Meanwhile at Team Bowling...

"We have to trade her!" roared Edward.

Alice looked shocked. "But- but not for the Wii! We can't just give it up like that! We can save Bella, just not at _this_ price." she looked longingly at the Wii. There was a yell from downstairs.

"If you give us the Wii now, you can have your beloved!" called Rosalie.

"Never!" exclaimed Alice in retort.

"We _can_ always dress her in your horrid sweaters you have down here. You had better Watch your back!" Alice looked pained.

"Alice." said Edward.

"No!" shouted Alice. "_You_ should watch _your _back!"

All I could think about was my dearest Bella, hanging from a ceiling fan. I had to help, but how?

BPOV:

"Is somebody out there?" I squeaked. I wondered when my team would decide to get me. _If_ they decide to get me. Just then, Team Boxing walked in.

"Why won't they trade?!" yelled Rosalie.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Bella. Edward and Alice told us they weren't going to trade you for the Wii." she turned back to her team. "We have to_ make_ him want Bella back now. They said that they would attack for Bella-."

"Wait a second. Where are the controls?" asked Carlisle. There was a noise from upstairs,

"Turkey! Boo-Yah!" Everyone looked up. It was Esme. I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, happy because Toto got away. Unfortunately, Dorothy is still locked in the wicked witch's castle. I had to make Team Boxing annoyed, and give me back, How?

"I'm HUNGRY!" I yelled. Everyone turned back to me. "Get me some FOOD!"

"She's annoying." said Emmett. I attacked Jasper next. I felt about a hundred emotions at once. Sad, happy, annoyed, confused, anxious, and worst of all, totally and completely in love. Jasper fell to the ground in the pressure, and curled up into a ball.

"Get her out of here! All the emotions, it hurts!" He wailed.

"Stop!" yelled Rosalie. I did.

"I'm hungry." I repeated.

"Uh," she groaned, "Emmett go get her something to eat. Untie her." Emmett left and came back with the whole loaf of bread.

"How's this?" he said, holding up the bread. Rosalie smiled.

"It's fine."

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Fine." she said. She walked with me to the bathroom, she also had to wait outside until I was done.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

I had to find a way to escape. I looked around for something I could use. All there was in the small room was an always empty garbage can, and a small window- just small enough to crawl through.

I flipped the small trash can and carefully stood on it and pried the window open, slowly, as to not be heard.

"Edward." I whispered. Edward's room was right above this bathroom so when I called his name, there he was.

"How did you get in there?"

"I'll explain later."

"Alice, Esme, get over here." Their plan didn't look safe but they assured me that it was the only way. Esme held Alice by the foot, who was helped by Edward. Alice grabbed me and pulled me through the window. After that, Edward, and Esme pulled us up.

"That's it." Edward said. I was in Edward's room now. Edward held me there.

"Where's the Wii?" I asked after a moment.

"Right here." We went over and played bowling. It was my turn and I held the remote. It felt like I was in gym all over again. I pulled back. It was a good shot until I went up and smacked in my forehead.

"Ow." Was all I could say. I don't know if I was heard above the laughter of Alice, Esme, and even Edward. "It's not that funny." I tried unsuccessfully to get them to stop.

"But- It's- just- so –_funny_!" Esme managed. After they were done, we continued. Not without a few more accidents…

We stopped suddenly. Before I could ask questions, I knew what was happening. Alice had a blank look on her face. She snapped out of it, jumped up, and landed noiselessly on the ground.

"What is it Alice?" I asked cautiously.

"They are going to attack." she said.

"When? Where?" asked Edward.

"Stairs, now-ish."

"Hurry! Alice is with me, Esme and Bella stay here with the Wii." I had a feeling Edward didn't trust me alone. I guessed right.

We split up and there were noises from the stairs. Esme and I made weapons. We were all armed with good-squirting lotions bottles- courtesy of Alice. We waited for the attack. Poor things, they think they have a surprise attack. I could not hold back my smile.

"Here they come." Esme told me. The noises from the hallway were terrifying. I could hear growls and roars from Emmett as he got squirted in the face by Bath & Body Works. I was horrified by that fact that _I_ might have to hit someone. I thought about this while waiting. Just then Rosalie burst through the door.

"Take that!" She threw balloons full of lots of things; toothpaste, water, soap, shampoo. I ducked behind the huge bed, popping up every once in a while to get her with some Midnight Pomegranate. My hair was saturated with various liquids. Then there was a new one, she was throwing paint balloons!

"Hey!" cried Esme, "That's going to stain!"

"Good!" called Rosalie.

She threw one at me and it hit me in the face. It was a beautiful bright blue color. She struck again, it was a shocking lime green. As she was going for another, Esme jumped in front of me. It was in vain, because in the end, we both were splattered with a canary yellow.

We were both out of lotion bottles, and there was nothing else to use.

"Help!" I cried.

"Help us!" joined Esme. Edward and Alice came in and after a couple giggles, nailed Rosalie. But Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle joined the fight and I was pulverized by _more_ paint balloons. I had to think fast.

I ran into the bathroom. I filled the trash can to the brim with shampoo, conditioner, hair gel, and various creams. I hung it above the door just so that the first person to open it, would get a surprise. I waited. Surely, with me missing, they would want to take me captive once again and I would be able to run into Edward's room.

My plan worked. Carlisle came though the door and was covered by my mixture. I ran out and made sure to close the door behind me.

I ran into Edward's room and saw that Esme and Alice had yet again tied up Rosalie. Emmett and Edward were wrestling on the floor in a death match. I ran to create more mayhem as Alice and Carlisle, and Esme and Jasper started at each other.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

I went to find out what else I could do to _really_ tick off people. I went into rooms to see what I could use. I went to the garage. I noticed _they_ could throw paint balloons, so I made a few of my own. There was lots of paint cans from all over the places. When I was finished, I had thirty paint balloons. All of them were filled with beige colors.

I went upstairs to get some revenge. I opened the door. I was really surprised by what I saw. All of Team Boxing was tied up.

"Nice job!" I told them.

"Yeah, but what do we _do_ with them?" asked Alice, smiling devilishly.

"I have a pretty good idea." I said copying her smile and holding up my project.

"Awesome!"

We each took some and took turns pelting them. I hit them without mercy in the face. I _did_ feel bad about it, eventually. Rosalie was the funniest to watch. Her blonde hair was completely a different color, she was screaming, whining and telling Emmett to "make it stop" it was hilarious! But sad, very sad.

The fun was halted when we all went back to the Wii. We played until something happened. We stopped playing. We just sat down on the ground and said nothing.

"Why did you guys stop?" asked Rosalie incredulously.

"They got bored." Jasper said in disbelief. "They have been nothing but happy and excited for so long, they just sputtered out."

"Want to see a movie?" I asked Edward.

""Kay." said Alice.

"Sounds about right." He replied.

"What about us?" whined Rosalie.

We just walked out and left. "Come Back!" she cried. Esme turned around.

"That's right. You guys," she said untying them, "get to clean up this mess." All of them looked around in disgust. "Buh-Bye!" she said and whipped around to go with us.

"See ya!" squealed Alice.

**K, that's the end. If you want more, I could do more. I am writing more funny stories if you want them If you do, just review!**


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